My last day at …

My last day at work ended without much fanfare. We ate out, and I got a few hugs from some of the higher-ups, which was pretty nice. J, the light of my life, was out sick the whole week; I felt a tad guilty because I actually wished for that to happen and it did.

So, back to square one! Despite everything, I feel blessed that I was chosen for this job. I never even dreamed that I’ll be under my Big Boss’ wing, and I still do. TBH I don’t know what I’ll do with my life right now. I’m not even sure if I’ll still work in fashion (and if not, idk what else to do). BUT I’m just…relieved to be out. Happy, even. 

Tomorrow we’re off to Vigan. Ugh, haven’t packed yet. Hope me and my parents have fun!

ewan

insert existential angst here.

So we’re back to the start, angsting about work, or lack thereof. O, ano na’ng gagawin ko ngayon?

Sa May 11 ang last day ko sa trabaho. Medyo may lingering feelings ako sa trabaho kasi mami-miss ko ang office friends ko at wala nanaman ako’ng pera, pero aside from that ay wala ako’ng pinagsisisihan. Ayoko na talaga. Ewan, may point in time kaya na mafi-figure out ko kung ano’ng gusto ko sa buhay? I mean, maliban sa pagsipsip ng tsaa habang nagbabasa ng libro all day (shet siguro mage-enjoy ako’ng maging lola. cat lady sans cats ahoy!).

I have this hab…

I have this habit of closing my eyes and flinching when my dad drives on a particularly sticky spot, like awkward U-turns and roads with small corners. It’s like, idk, anticipating impact but hoping really, really bad that it won’t come.

That’s basically how I feel about work right now. I feel like I’m in a long, extended flinch, and honestly I’m starting to just get it over and done with. I’ve lost my appetite and had been surviving on salad (basically shredded lettuce dipped in dressing), periodically lose my voice, and wake up palpitating every day. And sometimes I cry on the MRT because I really, really don’t want to go to work u___u

it’s only thursday

I feel like a total fuck-up at work. I really am, actually u___u

 

Today I bawled for an hour next to an officemate that I don’t know too much u___u  I just want to stay home, drink tea under a thick pile of blankets (yes, despite the heat), and forget that I’m

would you like some cheese with that whine?

I’ll be resigning on June 2013. I would very much want to quit now, but I’m rather attached to my monthly paycheck.

I’m just…tired. Physically, mentally. <i>Maybe</i> I’ll change my mind once I get my footing at the office, but everything’s on warp speed and I’m juggling four brands and <i>then</i> I remember that I have to make shoes, bags, and accessories too and…

I’m tired and I don’t really see myself growing in the company and our only job perk is working with Big Boss. <I>Really.</i> One of my co-trainees asked the Head of HR what our job perks are and that’s the only thing she can come up with (Plus 10% discount on all company-owned brands).

The best thing …

Tags

notes

The best thing I like about the Chinese New Year is that it’s a holiday. Huzzah for the long vacation!

Work would start being crazy by tomorrow. I’ll get my assortment plan (list of things I have to design), help in pulling out accessories for the Wednesday shoot, and help with all the last-minute thingamabob for the shoot.

Work is tiring, but I guess it beats regular desk jobs. Excitement? Our work has so much of that, sometimes I want to throw up.

Oh, and since I’ll be blogging about these people for a while, here’s a handy-dandy cheat sheet of the regular office people:

Dramatis Personae:

Big Boss - our department head. He’s really intimidating (starstruck *o*), but he’s really nice.
Boss - our Big Boss’ leopard print-loving, wisecracking, caffeine junkie second-in-command. We report directly to him.
J - she’s…not our boss, but has a right to boss us around, I guess? Really chatty when she’s in a good mood, but holy crap, she doesn’t handle stress very well.

The Owners - a huge-ass family that owns our store and other sister corporations.

X - the oldest, and the only boy.Handles the kikay and pregnant brands.
Ninaness - kikay chinita who owns a car (aka our chauffeur). Handles the teens’ division.
Finels - She’s the only one in our department with a family. Handles the middle-aged womens’ brands.

and that’s okay

<center><img src=”http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lud4vxgKAa1r5zvl5o1_250.png”></center>

I call it my “antisocial mode”, but really, there are times where I just want to be alone, like today. I wanted to meet up with friends, but on the other hand, I really need to not talk to people for a while.

NEW YEAR GOALS!

Fresh starts and clean slates. Last year I only fulfilled one “goal”, but it won’t keep me from making up new ones every year. I guess I’ll try being more practical this time around.

• save moolah — price to be adjusted when I find out how much HR’s willing to pay me. Well, you know, if they even want to employ me D:

• invest on Big Girl stuff — I’ve graduated a little over two years ago, and my fashion style is still poor college undergrad chic. Plus I can’t keep swiping my mom’s old makeup stuff. So target this year: buy more twenty-something clothes and get my own makeup crap

• be healthier — my job (if I’ll have one, ack) seems to be really taxing, so I need to toughen up. I’m really going to exercise this year! REALLY! I’m planning on signing up for yoga, since I really don’t trust my lazy ass to do some work outs on my own. Sigggh this is going to be a hard one. I’ll cut down on junk food and sweets too, but our leftovers aren’t much help with this goal.

• try something new — I don’t know if trying new stuff twice a month is feasible. IDK, I guess it’s a really broad goal, really. It could be trying out a new recipe to visiting a museum.

• do artsy stuff — again: I wonder if an artwork a week is too demanding? If I get a planner I’m planning on riddling it with doodles and colors, so that’s part of this clause, too.

• book-buying ban — ohhh snap. I want to buy Savage Beauty (coffee table book focused on Alexander McQueen’s collections) and Biblica (Atlas about Biblical times). Hmm, maybe next year? But I’m not allowing myself to buy any book this year. I’m planning on finishing about 30 ebooks on my Kindle before buying any physical book. Well, maybe the mentioned books are exceptions.

runner-up goals: don’t be late for work, always sleep at 10:00pm except for important stuff.

So there you have it, my 2012 goals. I hope I don’t lose steam D: Here’s for a better year for all of us

huling hirit

Here’s a year-end meme I started doing last year. Copy-pasted from my other blog:

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I got to places I’ve never been before (Alabang, Makati, my cousins’ houses in Pasig and Antipolo), I learned how to make suits by myself (with a little help from a sewing book I bought at a books sale), and I managed to stay at home, alone, for long periods of time.

Oh, and I also had my first big girl job *A* Well it’s not yet mine, so sort of?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, unfortunately. Well there’s always next year!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hm, I don’t think so, but my cousin had a miscarriage.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother passed away last February.
Amy Winehouse died too. We’re not “close” but she’s my favorite singer ;A;

5. What countries did you visit?
none.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A real job and a social life

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
my graduation from fashion school (aug 25), my grandma passing away (feb 4) . This was a

really uneventful year for me e__e

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduation *u*)/

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmmmm idk. I don’t really think about it, whatever it is.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had stomach flu, sinusitis, and tonsilitis. I was also sooo tired from making clothes

during the first half of the year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My kindle♥ and my Influence coffee table book, which was dirt-cheap for P99.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom helped me make my graduation collection, so thank you!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Someday I’ll kick this curfew thing to the curb!

14. Where did most of your money go?
the usual–books, transpo, food.
oh, and my graduation collection.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
having my sort-of work, getting the Kindle

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Lana del Rey’s Sorta Outta Luck
Amy Winehouse’s Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (RIP)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
GONE OUT but alas I was pretty low on moolah
made clothes for myself

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
procrastinate, stay cooped up at home

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it in Tarlac, reading books by day and marathoning Community by night. One of my better Christmases tbh

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I…lusted after Kindle for a really long stretch of time?

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I’ve become really attached to Conan, but I’ve seen a lot of good shows this year:

Happy Endings, Ru Paul, Community, IT Crowd, AC 360 and Beelzebub.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
not really @_@

24. What was the best book you read?
Me, the Missing, and the Dead by Jenny Valentine
A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson (shoutout to Yvette, who
rec’d it♥)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My friend Bon rec’d Kimbra to me. I like Good Intent and Settle Down.
runner-ups: Oh Land and Lana del Rey

26. What did you want and get?
A lot of things — a new cellphone, a new laptop, an external hard drive, a Kindle. I also

graduated and got jobs.

27. What did you want and not get?
Hmm…nothing that I really wanted? Well there’s “social life” but eh well. I didn’t really

have money for it :<

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
movie made this year that I liked the best: HP and the Deathly Hallows part 2
movie I just saw this year: Two for the Road starring Audrey Hepburn

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23! I was home alone but my dad phoned me and we had lunch together. He bought me a huge,

red mug, which I loved. During the weekend I had my highschool friends over and we

played Kinect.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don’t know, really. Not being cooped up at home as much?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
still poor-college-student chic, unfortunately.

32. What kept you sane?
audiobooks and sporadic dates with friends

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
ANDERSON COOPER a;skld;lakd I really liked his tandem with Kelly Ripa (who keeps throwing

herself at him)
And I shipped Jesse Eisenberg with Andrew Garfield like crazy, haha. I miss the fandom u_u

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Reproductive Health Bill. Hey, it’s entertaining!
Arab Spring, though I’m still scared of what will happen to the people :<

35. Who did you miss?
Oh, loads of friends.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
my Big Boss @_@ intimidating, but really nice.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
-for tired, aching legs, stretching + salonpas does the trick
-Sinutab is VERY effective

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Don’t give up on your dreams, boy!
Don’t give up on your dreams now, buddy!
-The Painter by I’m from Barcelona
————

Us trainees have a meeting with the VP of the Human Resources Department on Monday *gulp*. We’ve survived four elimination rounds and we’re going to find out if we’ve been accepted in the company, uguh. TBH I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get the job :< The work is fun, though a tad tiring. At least it's not boring, no? I hope Monday brings good news.

2011

2011 has been, well, boring. Sure, my grandmother passed away, I graduated from fashion school, and had my first sort-of job, but aside from that, eh. I spent the year mostly cooped up at home, finishing my grad collection. It was tiring and made me a tad antsy. It’s like the whole world is moving, and I’m here at home, stuck with mosquitoes and my patternmaking table.

So, 2012. I expect to be more assimilated to hermitdom, thanks to my job (which I really really hope I’ll get) and the unbelievably awful commute. I’m planning on saving up moolah and re-connecting with friends I haven’t had much time or money to hang out with this year. Not really sure how I’ll fit savings and lakwatcha, but hmmm I’ll make it work. I won’t be buying any books the whole year because I finally have a Kindle and I’ll probably read my stash of ebooks there before hoarding more books. Besides, I’m running out of space. I also want to join a gym (or whatever they’re called) and sign up for yoga or pilates, just to de-stress from the job that’s not yet confirmed to be mine, and to tone my muscles. CHOS!

January always feels nice and new and exciting. Fresh start and all. Well I hope I remember to keep my resolutions until around this time, and however 2011 worked out for everyone, I hope the next year would be better.